Sunday, June 02, 2013

Transition: Cue Panic

"The Somewhat True Tales of Robin Hood" was probably my favorite high school play. The homeschoolers from Hershey EFree Church got together under my mother's creative direction and pulled off a play that made us giggle. I played Maid Marion's Lady in Waiting. This was an over the top, dim witted, hypochondriac screamer. I fainted, yelled, mocked, and heart stopping screamed my way through that play. For the awkward nerdy drama queen in my blood, it was perfect. Throughout this comedic, slap stick retelling of the famous Robin Hood, we also interacted with "Mr Technical Director" who would create fade ins and fade outs and flash backs ("Flash Back! Flash Back! Flash Back!" we would chant). My character rather enjoyed the spin and fun as Mr. Technical Director faded me out of a scene and into another part of the story. As Maid Marion declared in wonder as the lights faded from the castle into Sherwood Forest, "Oh! How wonderful! I've never faded out before!"

I wish transitions could sometimes happen that easily and quickly. Just an adjustment of the knob on the tech board at the back of the room so I could slide in and out of new phases. A little mood music. A voice over introduction to the next scene. I wish I could think they were as hilarious as they were in this play.

Next: Scene Change to Dobrich, Bulgaria.

I was going to just let this blog thing sit until I left the country on June 25th. I thought what I needed was a break until my feet touched Bulgarian soil again. But I've come to realize that that would be cutting the story short.

Let me back up.

This coming year, I will be teaching English in a high school in Bulgaria. I will be gone from July 2013-July 2014, a complete calendar year. A first for me. I've never been away from "home" for that long, much less my country. It seems daunting and overwhelming to me, the newness that I know it will be. At the same time, hundreds of American youth choose to do something similar every year. Maybe even thousands. For my program (Fulbright English Teaching Assistantship), it is hundreds around the globe. It isn't new or original or ground breaking.

And yet, it is ground breaking for me.

And I'm terrible at transitions.

Transitions happen to me like disapparation happens to a new wizard: noses and ears and body parts get left on the other side of the room in the practice trial. Don't even try to make them disapparate to another geographic location. My insides literally feel like they are different places and have been ripped from the primary unity of the self.

Bleck.

I get depressed. Moody. Demanding. I go numb and wallow in feeling numb and depressed. You can remind me twenty times a day that You wanted Bulgaria. You applied for this. You didn't want to leave Bulgaria last summer. You've been trying to get abroad since you were in undergrad 3 years ago. It's time. The job at Calvary has concluded smoothly. Just go. And still, AND STILL, I'm wailing about having to change. Moving stuff. Throwing things away. Saying goodbye to my personal library. Not checking my Calvary Elements mailbox 20 times a day. Not getting worried when I don't hear from Steve or Erica or Kristen or Josh.


All of this is to say: I want to take you with me via this blog to Bulgaria next year. I want to include all the new stories and adventures and what its like to go to the grocery store and how I botch my first complicated English lesson and awkward American mistakes and learning the language and getting on the wrong bus and all of the things from every day life that will feel like grand narratives to me. But to do that well, I need to invite you into the transition. Hurrah. Yay. Gross. Stop. It.

Blogging is back in the schedule. You'll be hearing from you again soon.

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